Are You Exasperating Your Teen?

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teen_and_parentsOne of the most coveted verses for parents is Ephesians 6:3 instructing children to obey them. When used in sermons or Bible lessons, every parent in the room gives a hearty amen, exchanges affirming statements with the parent beside them or gives a “did you hear that?” poke to their children. Hardly any reference is given to the verse that follows.

Ephesians 6:4

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Paul references this again in Colossians and follows it with a potential consequence.

Colossians 3:21

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”

I am not sure what was happening in Paul’s time but I’ve spent enough time with teens in this generation to know the top three reasons they feel exasperated.

1. “I Can’t do anything right!” There are so many changes going on in a teens world, their body, their status (child to adult), their influx of new hormones complete with emotional surges and so much more. Teens often experience an increased awkwardness and feel “out of control” during this time. In the midst of this inner chaos, even the vaguest hint of negativity will set them off. 

What can you do? Create balance. Balance correction with complement, responsibility with respect, love with leaving them alone-giving them space. Be their safe-haven-their anchor. Never compromise on what’s important but shower them with unconditional love and keep pointing them to Jesus. For yourself, be prepared to thanklessly stand strong. Your teen will eventually appreciate that you were always there.

2. “They never listen to me.” Typically when I hear this statement it is more a matter of the parent doesn’t agree with them and therefore there must be a communication error. This often happens in homes where there is little communication, or explanation as to the reasons behind a decision. 

What can you do? Make sure your teen understands that you heard them. The easiest way to do this is to reiterate what they are saying and follow it with your mindset. As much as possible explain the whys behind your opposition. 

3. “They treat me like a child.” This is tough territory. Teens are stuck in the middle of two worlds and it usually a tough transition compounded by their desire to rush it and the parent’s desire to take it slow. Our culture doesn’t help. Music, movies, and TV shows are all filled with promiscuity or down and out explicit sex. Parents and other authority figures are usually portrayed as clueless idiots or overbearing.

What can you do? Verbally recognize that the teen in coming into adulthood. Having this talk while they are still young will help. Establish a plan for “right of passage” and discuss this with them. As often as possible, use the life stories of others or television show depictions to point out what is wise behavior and what is unwise and the consequences that go with it. Keep pointing them to Scripture that coincides with it. Limit the promiscuous programming and establish boundaries for them that are appropriate for their age. Provide for perks or ways to increase their freedoms when they are compliant and show that they can make wise choices.

Teen years can be frustrating for all involved but if you are proactive, keep pointing them to Jesus, and love them unconditionally, you may just make it.

Be a Little Wicked…

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imagesBalance.

I’ve heard this word a lot lately. My boys are learning about the balance of nature and life cycles. Health articles I subscribe to are telling me I need to balance my protein/carb/fat ratios and balance activity with intake.

The book of Ecclesiastes is flocked full of balance. Solomon stresses the point that for every action their is an equal and opposite reaction. “A time to live and a time to die. A time to reap and a time to sow.” My favorite is, “Don’t be too evil…and don’t be too righteous.” It sound like he is saying it is ok to be a little evil. Well, ok, if Solomon says so, right?

What Solomon is stressing is that even too much of something good can cause harm and become unhealthy. It’s like antibiotics. They are good for getting rid of the unhealthy bacteria causing us to be sick; however, it indiscriminately kills all bacteria-even the healthy. If not replenished, the imbalance allows yeast to overgrow in your intestines which leads to other problems. Nice, huh? Balance is vital to our life systems.

Balance is vitally important with our children, too. Too much structure tips children toward rebellion. Too little structure creates unruly and unproductive children who will act out in demand of structure.

It’s true. Unruly children crave structure and discipline. We used to live in a neighborhood full of elementary to middle school aged children. These children were given complete freedom. They ran the roads all summer long-not a parent in sight. Except my husband and I.

Every time we took our toddler son outside to swing, here came the masses. They would spend hours playing in our backyard with little tyke toys and talking with my husband and I. Our yard had rules and they knew as long as they followed them, they could stay. If they broke a rule, they had to leave but were always welcome back the next day. These children had complete freedom yet they loved being at our house. Why? Because we cared enough to set boundaries and were present to enforce them.

How is the balance of your life? Are you balancing work with play? Serving with sitting? Bible learning with godly action? Spending with saving? Discipline with grace?

For everything there is a season. What season is your life in? Whatever it is, embrace the change. Allow God to do a new work in you. If you are depleted, He will renew you, if you are full He will pour you out for His glory.

1 Peter 5:6

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Proverbs 3:5-6,11-12

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

photo credit: blog.shoeboxed.com

Basic Truths Your Child Needs to Know to Stand Firm in Their Faith (Part 4)

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imagesDeveloping Godly Character Takes Time!

Your child is a new creation in Christ Jesus; but, there may be a breaking in period. That old self with it’s sinful desires will not give up easily. Temptations will hit daily and the desire to partake will still be there. Developing godly character takes time.

The key is to feed the spiritual nature so it is more dominant in their mind and will hopefully be the “go to” voice in the heat of temptation. However, even when they mess up, they are still a new creation. Jesus paid for those sins already and will welcome their repentant heart. Praise God for grace, right!

I love how Pastor Ron Edmondson phrased this process in a tweet, “Salvation happens in a moment of surrender. Transformation is a process. Don’t get discouraged with those in the process. It’s often messy.” 

Amen to that! It has been 38 years for me and I am still creating messes. AND God continues to forgive me and turn ALL my messes into usable fodder for His glory. I call that the Grace Cycle :D

This is the endurance/perseverance part of salvation. It can be frustrating and seem fruitless, especially when you are young, but it is essential. Children need to understand that it will be difficult at times; but, they are no longer tied to that old nature and are equipped to say no through Christ Jesus. Saying no to temptations will get easier over time.

In order for our children to successfully live a life set apart for God we must teach them to guard their heart and mind, to recognize Satan’s schemes, expose his mind games, and to dispel his lies with Truth. Satan is fighting for their souls and If he can’t get them, he attacks their fruitfulness.

Our children are on the battlefield. Maybe even more so than we are. I am so glad Jesus is with my boys especially when I can’t be. Praise God, for victory through Christ Jesus!

John 16:33 (NIV)

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Basic Truths Your Child Needs to Know to Stand Firm in Their Faith (Part 3)

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images-5Sticking to godly principles displays maturity of heart and mind and soul.

Satan has our youth believing that indulging in worldly pleasures displays their maturity, like a right of passage into adulthood. When in fact, it takes more maturity and strength of character to resist temptation. And, going back to Jesus’ temptation, when we resist the devil, he will flee.

Matthew 4:10-11

Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended Him.

Resisting temptation is expected for God’s children. Jesus set the example for us and God promised to provide a way to escape. However, we continually fall prey to the wiles of the devil. The difference, however, is attitude of heart. It is like David and Saul.

Saul disobeyed God by taking items and people after he conquered a city when God told him not to. When God confronted him about it, he lied then made excuses. The throne was given to David. When David had an affair with Bathsheba and was confronted with it, David immediately humbled himself and repented. David’s title of “Man after God’s own heart” wasn’t because he was perfect but because he stayed humble before the Lord.

1 John 3:9-10

“No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are; Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother.”

1 John 3:9

“No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God.“

A friend of mine was recently baptized. In her testimony, she shared that, as a teen she prayed “the sinners prayer” and assumed from that, she was saved. However, nothing in her life changed. She continued to get drunk, use drugs, commit adulterous acts and more. She never once felt guilt nor conviction from the Holy Spirit.

Years later, as a single mom, she was watching a TV evangelist. She was at a very low point in her life and knew she needed Jesus. She called the show’s prayer line and, while clutching her daughter’s hand, she wept and prayed with the lady on the phone who shared the gospel with her for the second time in her life. However, this time was different. This time, her humbled heart was ready and submissive to Jesus Christ. She became a new creation. Her life was changed and her choices reflected that.

Making the decision from a submissive heart is key. 

There are people who know that Jesus is the Messiah, the One, the only Son of God, the Savior of the world; yet, they choose not to humble their heart nor submit their lives to the Will of God. With this omission, they do not become a new creation in Christ Jesus.

Galatians 6:15 

“What counts is the new creation.”

2 Corinthians 5:17

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; The old has gone, the new is here!”

Basic Truths Your Child Needs to Know to Stand Firm in Their Faith (Part 2)

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UnknownA child of God is no longer ruled by sin.  When you accept Jesus’ payment for sin, there is a transfer that takes place, Dead to Sin~Alive in Christ. This doesn’t mean the absence of temptation. It means that the option to say, “No,” comes with the power of God helping you resist.

Galatians 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the Body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

The best example of saying, “No” to temptation comes from Jesus Christ Himself. Jesus had just been baptized by his cousin John when the Spirit of God led Him into the wilderness to be tested. Jesus completed a time of spiritual focus in which he fasted and prayed for forty days. He was Spiritually renewed yet physically weak. This is one of Satan’s favorite times to strike. Why? Because when we are spiritually weak, we are of no threat.

Satan tempted Jesus in four key areas:

    • Position-”If you really are the Son of God, then…” He was daring Jesus to prove His position as Son of God, the Messiah, before it was time.
    • Provision-”If you are the Son of God turn this stone to bread.” Tempting Jesus to satisfy His physical hunger and perform a miracle at Satan’s command.
    • Protection-”If you are the Son of God then throw Yourself down [from this high point]. For it is written, “‘He will command His angels concerning You, and they will lift You up in their hands, so that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.” Satan tempted Him to prove Himself and the authenticity of God’s Word, again, at his command.
    • Power-From a high mountain he said, “All this I will give you if you bow down and worship me.” Satan offered Jesus kingdoms and splendor-earthly authority and power (which Jesus has anyway). Jesus was sent to be our King but not on earth at this time. This time was meant for serving and sacrifice which Jesus was well aware of .

Satan offered Jesus all the things our flesh would want and possibly need; but, Jesus defeated him by staying focused on His Spiritual purpose, listening God’s Timing and quoting Truth from the Word of God.

IMPORTANT FACT: It is vital that our children realize that Satan also used scripture. Satan knows the Bible. He knows Truth and He uses it for HIS purposes. It is essential that we teach our children to use their Bibles. When they hear someone use scripture, they need to be able to not only recognize it but know how to read the passage for context. We as parents need to be able to do this as well.

The timing of Jesus’ temptation was also relevant. Jesus’ time alone with God in the wilderness marked the beginning of His ministry to the cross. This was Satan’s attempt to deter Jesus by offering Him earthly accolades in place of the spiritual ones God had for Him.

Temptation will either solidify our decision to follow God’s plan or sabotage it. I call it the, “Oh, Yeah?” because inevitably, when I make a decision that honors God with my life or possessions, temptation is hot on its tail begging the question.

1 Corinthians 10:13

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Thank you for stopping by today! Stop by on Wednesday for the second important Truth:
Sticking to godly principles in the heat of temptation displays true maturity. 

What Children Are Doing…in Elementary School!

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set_apart_copy_copyNew Creation~Living Life set apart to God 

Ephesians 4:24

“You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of your mind; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Alright, I’m going to be blunt here. Christians are not living in true righteousness and holiness. In fact, most of the time it is difficult to pinpoint who in a crowd is a believer and who isn’t. There is just as much perverse talk, corrupt actions and negative attitudes in Christian environments than in secular. The only difference being that the Christians are doing it behind the backs of those who will call them out for their actions. And this is true for our children too.

One of my sons suffered culture shock when he entered middle school. Three elementary schools were mixed together, so there were numerous children he didn’t know bringing in untold back-stories, home-lives and faith; but, this wasn’t the problem.

What bothered him was seeing his friends lives take a 180. The same children he grew up with, who professed Jesus in elementary school were cussing (including the “F” word), indulging in perverted conversation, bullying, and disrespecting authority, themselves and each other.

This bothered him so much that he became physically sick at the thought of having to go to school. He even opted to eat lunch in the counselors office rather than sit with his peers.

We were talking about it at the dinner table, trying to console him and give him a pep talk in preparation for the next day, when my high school son decided to offer his consoling remarks, “You think that’s bad, just wait till you get to high school!” My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I felt sick. Then I uttered the most un-motherly words to my high school son. I said, “Please don’t ever tell me what goes on in high school.” He laughed…but I was serious.

The truth is, the age of innocence is dwindling. This degradation of moral character is trickling down to the elementary level at an alarming rate.

I learned this the night I helped chaperone an elementary school lock-in. Girls were parading around with cell phones, engaging in caddy conversations and talking about boys. Guys were huddled in groups whispering, laughing and pointing at others. One boy made a sexual comment toward a girl who, thankfully, had no clue what he was saying. It was an eyeopener.

We can’t isolate our children from worldly influences-nor should we want to; but we do need to educate them to handle it.

Here are three essential truths that children need to know. (I will elaborate each of these points in the next few blogs.)

  1. As a child of God you are not ruled by sin-When you accept Jesus’ payment for sin, there is a transfer that takes place, Dead to Sin~Alive in Christ. This doesn’t mean the absence of temptation. It means that the option to say, “No,” comes with the power of God helping you resist.
  2. Sticking to godly principles in the heat of temptation displays true maturity-Satan has our youth believing that indulging in worldly pleasures displays their maturity, like a right of passage into adulthood. When in fact, it takes more maturity and strength of character to resist temptation.
  3. Developing godly character takes time-You are a new creation created in Christ Jesus; but, there my be a breaking in period. That old self with it’s sinful desires will not give up easily. Temptations will hit daily and the desire to give in will still be there. The key is to feed the spiritual nature so it is more dominant in their mind and will hopefully be the “go to” voice in the heat of temptation.

Temptation is indispensable for providing growth opportunities and refining godly character. But when our children are ill-equipped to withstand it or fail to see the need to resist; they will live fruitless lives or abandon their faith all together.

Part 3: Be Prepared

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Unknown-2Whether you’ve gone to church since birth or haven’t stepped a toe in since leaving your parent’s care, it is important to be prepared. You may have a strong spiritual foundation and profound knowledge of the Bible; yet, find it challenging to put it on a child’s level.

One of my Pastors and his wife recently became certified foster parents. Just before Christmas they were elated to be assigned their very first foster children (which happened to be a sibling group of five ranging in age from two years to seven years).

The children were new to church and learning about Jesus and recently started asking questions. Our pastor was surprised at how difficult it was to articulate the gospel to children. His words to me were, “You’d think with my degrees and profession that this wouldn’t be so hard.”

Extensive knowledge isn’t always the answer. In cases such as this, it is more valuable to have a basic knowledge and an ability to relate to children.

Here are foundational verses in a consecutive list to show the process of going from sinful to redeemed.

From Sin to Saved~

    • All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) We are under the law from birth. The sin of Adam and Eve in the garden marked us all with the debt of sin. A debt we cannot pay on our own.
    • The law was established so we would be aware of sin (Romans 3:20)
    • Sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2)
    • Faith removes us from being under the Law and clears us by Grace through Faith (Romans 6:14)
    • Where there is no law there is no transgression or violation (Romans 4:14-15)
    • Anyone who has died (with Christ) has been set free from sin (Romans 6:7)
    • If we do happen to sin we have an advocate (a go between) who argues in our defense (1 John 2:1-2)
    • Our unfaithfulness does not nullify God’s faithfulness (Romans 3:3)
    • When we are faithless He (God) is faithful for He cannot disown Himself                      (2 Timothy 2:13)

Praise God for His faithfulness, His mercy and for His grace! As  you being to share with your child remember to

Take time to Pray and Breath, Take Inventory of What you Know and

Be Prepared.

And, more importantly, TRUST GOD! He will always be there to guide you.

Part 2: Take Inventory of What You Know

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Last week I shared the saga that was my first time sharing Jesus with a child in the post titled, The First Time I Shared Jesus with a Child…I was a Mess (Part 1).

images-4

Today I want to elaborate on the second point-Take Inventory of What You Know. 

Before you begin a spiritual conversation with your child, it is important to take inventory of what you believe, explore the facts of your faith and recall the how’s, why’s and who’s. If the majority of your knowledge comes from your third grade Sunday School class, then it would be an excellent idea to verify the facts and freshen up on the details.

Research indicates that as adults, we lean toward the spiritual teachings of our childhood. If we were unclear on the basics of faith or misinformed, then we, as parents, are in danger of passing on faulty information to our children.

This fact is pertinent not only to verify the importance of taking inventory; but also, in cautioning what we teach our children or even expose them to since it will likely shape their beliefs for adulthood.

Which brings us to the big questions…what do you know?

To help you with this task, I’ve compiled basic Truths so you can see what the Bible says concerning the foundations of faith.

    • God is eternal, existing in three persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, each being equal (Deuteronomy 6:4; Matthew 28:19; Acts 5:3-4; II Corinthians 13:14)
    • All things were created by God (Genesis 1:1; Isaiah 48:13; Psalm 33:6)
    • Jesus Christ is the very Son of God (Hebrews 1:8); that He was born of a virgin (Matthew 1:23), and that He lived a sinless life (Hebrews 4:15), that He was crucified (I Peter 2:24), died as a penalty for our sins (I Peter 3:18), and was raised from the dead bodily on the third day (I Corinthians 15:4).  He is now ascended to the Father’s right hand (Hebrews 12:2) where He is the head of the Church (Colossians 1:18) and intercedes for believers (Hebrews 7:25)
    • The Holy Spirit indwells all believers (I Corinthians 6:19), placing them in the Body of Christ (I Corinthians 12:13) and sealing them at the moment of salvation (Ephesians 1:13).  He now fills (Ephesians 5:18), guides (John 16:13), teaches (John 14:26), and empowers (Acts 1:8) the believer to the glory of God
    • The Bible is the inspired Word of God by which everyone should live (II Timothy 3:16; II Peter 1:20-21)
    • God sent His Son into the world to save sinners (Ephesians 1:4-5; II Thessalonians 2:13-14)
    • The Lord Jesus Christ made a perfect atonement for sin through His death by the shedding of His blood. We are saved and justified on the basis of His work on the cross alone (Romans 3:22-24; Ephesians 2:8-9; Titus 3:5-7)

If you have any questions please feel free to comment on this post or send me an inbox message. I would love to help you in any way I can.

See you Thursday for the final installment Be Prepared. Thanks for stopping by!

The First Time I Shared Jesus with a Child…I was a Mess (Part 1)

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TC101_fig1I have been a faithful church attendee since I was two months old, became a follower of Christ at four years old, attended Christian Elementary School, led Bible studies, and on and on. BUT, the first time I had the opportunity to talk to a child about salvation, I was a mess.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun was shinning, birds were chirping…just kidding. I really don’t remember much about that day except being so nervous, excited and totally overwhelmed that I literally burst into tears and barely regained enough composure to actually share the gospel.This precious eight year old girl was looking to me for spiritual guidance and I blubber in her face. Somehow, by the grace of God, she made sense of my blubbering and accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Savior. Proof that God has the power to work through anyone who is willing to be used by Him.

There are three important takeaways from this story.

1. Take time to Pray and Breath! I was a bit caught off guard when this mother asked me to talk to her child. It had been while since I shared my faith with a child and even then, it was in casual conversations with my son in our daily routines.

I was overwhelmed at the thought of being a spiritual guide (if you will) for someone else’s child. What if I messed up! What if I forgot a portion and kept her from really understanding what it means to trust Jesus as your Savior? On the other hand, I was also excited for the opportunity to be part of such an important life decision for this precious child. Whew! See why I was a total mess? I wish now that I had thought to stop, breath and pray. Instead, I launched straight into sharing-hyperventilating,  crying and no doubt talking a mile a minute. Praise God for His mercy!

2. Take inventory of what you know! This is actually my number one for life in general. If you are unclear in your knowledge of the gospel, then you are in danger of passing on faulty information. (I will share more about this in part two on Tuesday)

3. Be Prepared! As you can see from my first experience I wasn’t very prepared. I felt like I stammered through the whole thing trying to think of all the essentials that she would need to know to make an informed decision. Start right now thinking through how you can effectively relay these spiritual truths to a child. To help you, click the tab on my website labeled Salvation Message for Children. (I will cover in part three on Thursday)

Thankfully, sharing the gospel gets easier with practice. God has provided many more opportunities to share the gospel with children and I have gleaned some valuable information which I am glad to share with you!

Thanks for stopping by today! I hope you will stop by for the next two installments.

Feel free to share your experience. Have you shared the gospel yet? What was your first experience like? If you haven’t, what are some of your fears?

 

A Faith of Their Own

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imagesGod has really been reshaping my view of and understanding of salvation. I have heard at least four instances in which someone thought they were saved but then realized they were not. A  90 year old grandmother of a dear friend, a pastor in the middle of his sermon, a teen who was very knowledgeable and grew up in a Christian home, a youth leader at an area church. Each person had a head knowledge of Jesus Christ but never made the decision in their heart to follow Christ.

I have a confession…sometimes I worry that this will be the testimony of one of my sons.

To the best of our ability, my husband and I strive to instill godly values in them, make sure they know the scripture, and try to make church/fellowship a priority. They have confessed Jesus as their Savior and have followed Him in believers baptism; yet, is it truly their faith or are they just following the obvious path we have set out for them. I pray that their decision to follow Jesus isn’t just going through the motions.

So, is there a way to insure your child’s decision to follow Christ is a true heart changing decision?

Here are three solid principles that will help:

  1. Live your faith in front of your child: No matter what that looks like. If you are having a bad moment, be real (within reason) with your child. Hypocrisy will turn them away quicker than anything. It is far better that they experience your failure than to catch you not living what you preach.
  2. Allow them to make spiritual decisions on their own: It is truly a one of a kind excitement when your children choose to give their life to Jesus. But, we can’t let our desire for them to take that step to urge them into a false moment of acceptance. Sometimes children will say, “yes” when they do not understand or want to, just to see the joy on our faces and gain acceptance and accolades from us.
  3. Persist with caution: As you relay spiritual truth to your children, be persistent but not pushy. Consistent, authentic faith will speak volumes to them. Even when you think they are not paying attention and are in full rejection.
  4. Accept them no matter what: If they are not ready or even reject your faith, they are still your child, your blessing from God. Continue to love and nurture them with the same measure.
  5. Entrust them to God: I know you already know this but it never hurts to be reminded. God knows how to connect with your child. Trust Him to not only show Himself to your child, but to use you in the process.

There really isn’t a way to guarantee. But there is always Hope, Faith, Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Gentleness and so much more through Jesus Christ.

Is this your story? Did you go through the motions but never really give your life to God? Or are you a parent who worries about your child’s faith?  I would love to hear your thoughts? Thanks for stopping by :D